Spoiler Alert

You’re annoyed when I talk during the film.
It’s just another classic that you haven’t seen (still!).
Just another ill-in-the-head in the plot;
“Norman Bates, is that all you got?
Might have guessed from the name of the thing.” Don’t complain
that you never heard the ending of The Crying Game.
Well, it’s a penis, and at this point a shaggy dog
(which is: nothing to see here; move along).
The Apes rule the Earth. Vader’s poppa to Luke.
Brad Pitt and Ed Norton are obviously two
people, but they’ve got to share one character.
Bruce ain’t alive, kid, no matter how he stares at you.
Snape kills Dumbledore but with a noble motive.
Everybody’s guilty on the Oriental locomotive.
Veidt’s villainy ends world squabbling
and Deckard is a replicant (probably).

Say I ruin everything for you — well, it’s mutual.

Don’t wager on survival for Bambi’s mom,
Artax, Old Yeller, Mufasa, King Kong.
All spawn of Medea should fear for your throat.
All on the Titanic should fear for your boat.
Yo, Frontalot gave it away before it happened.
If you’re in Moby Dick then I hope you’re not the captain;
if you are, then I urge: rethink revenge
‘cause you’re headed for the bottom and you’re bringing your friends.
Fall into Wonderland then you’re definitely dreaming,
sleeping by the stream, and all is only seeming.
If you’re in the Bible, it ends in Armageddon.
If you’re in the Y2K, it’s less upsetting.
If you’re living in the 80s, spoiler: gay Wham!
Space ships can blow up. Trickle-down economics is a scam,
but you’ll figure that out.
I don’t want to wreck the ending for you, make you pout.

...in the future, do not do what you do.

If you’re in the French Revolution, I warn it won’t last.
If you’re in the Kennedy clan, beware a muzzle flash.
Airplanes, also, quite often destroyed them.
And if you’re a Lennon, there’s a Chapman. Avoid him.
Boy when I’m spoiling the ending you frown.
No empire lasts forever, go to town,
but if you’re old Rome, look out for that Nero.
In case you’re a countdown, look out for zero.
Any time you’re a ticking bomb, explode
(and nobody make it out except Horatio),
‘cause every peanut brittle’s got a snake inside
and Jacks-in-the-box, meant to startle, pop high.
If you didn’t know already, I’ll apologize.
Peek-a-boo’s a game; it’s a trick of the eyes,
not a bending of reality itself.
Spoiler for infants: adults use stealth.