Disaster

[MCF]
Set up the mics, turn up the volume.
Everybody present, say "here" when I call you:
Schaffer?
[Schaffer the Darklord]
Yep.
[MCF]
Beef?
[Beefy]
Hello.
[MCF]
Bought three movie tickets, got the front row.
Act I.
[Schaffer the Darklord]
Our plucky hero's home town:
Middle Americana, not a problem to be found.
A single dad of one son with a dog just trying his
best to make ends meet as a disaster scientist.
One day he stumbles upon some horrifying evidence.
Our hero decides, "I must inform the president."
[Beefy]
"Even though you seem to know exactly what you talk about,
I don't think at this point in the plot I am going to hear you out.
But Washington's in fallout, can't return to my home.
There's flash floods, earthquakes. I pick up the red phone.
You get this ragtag team made of washed out marines
and Dr. Jennie Marie, she studies weather extremes.

[Jane Silence]
It's a disaster, it's a disaster
whenever you've got three nerd rappers.

[MCF]
Act II. Molten lava is chasing them around.
Big blue bolts of lightning spring up from underground.
But our hero and his team have some hope for a cure:
[Schaffer the Darklord]
"If we can just get this crew into the center of the earth,
we can install a nuclear device then detonate it.
My findings indicate that this will stave off devastation."
[Beefy]
"I might have given in to my pride (that is my sin)
but take this check and shake my hand, 'cause you always trust a Whitesican."
[Schaffer the Darklord]
"Sir, you won't regret it. Launch your finest satellite.
Arm it with a laser canon aimed upon the blast site
to activate the nuke. But the clock is counting down.
We need to act fast as our time is running out."
[MCF]
Meanwhile: hurricanes, tidal waves, floods.
Sun flares cause it to seem to rain blood.
[Beefy]
The President just got crushed by an asteroid.
[MCF]
And the plucky hero's son?
[Schaffer the Darklord]
"Run faster, boy!"

[MCF]
Last Act. Son makes it, dog doesn't.
Odds may be stacked against the team. They discuss it.
[Schaffer the Darklord]
A last ditch effort hangs heavy on our hero's mind:
"Blowing up the planet is the only hope for humankind."
And to his leading lady, "There is something I must say..."
[Beefy]
"Hey, you and me can wait, I want to have another yesterday.
Sources say the Kremlin can take us into orbit.
Go to space, fix the lasers. And the earth: we can restore it."
[Schaffer the Darklord]
"That's it! A crazy plan, but we have to try.
The time is nigh, gather up supplies, we must survive!"
[MCF]
They head out for Russia in a little rowboat,
get menaced by glaciers, almost bite it but don't.
At the last moment a decision to be made:
there's the love or the boy, only one can get saved.
[Schaffer the Darklord]
If he thinks too long,
[MCF]
whole globe is in peril.
[Beefy]
If you don't shed a tear at the end
[MCF]
your heart's sterile.