News From The Front

Well well well, it’s been busy around here! We are some several gigs over our quota for giving you lovely people free nerdcore hiphop this month, so the music page links are pointing to what the germans callauszeittehostlichen. ‘Round here we call it IUMA, and I am thankful when it is returning my MP3s instead of error pages.

Had trouble finding frontalot.com lately? Those pesky domain registrars, they always want the money BEFORE they renew your name. My bad.

News flash! There is a brand new MC Frontalot song, called My Sister. However, you may not hear it unless youjoin the frontalot.com Valued Sucker Program. I have been promising those suckers an exclusive track for a while, and now they have it. $2.50 wins you my heart.

New songs coming? Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard that before. Tell us when they’re done. Look forward to: a theme song for a very special web comic (is it about special kids? no.) and also that long-rumored duet with a certain famed genius rapper.

We have been talking smack about file sharing lately. Searches yield between five and seven different WRONG-ASS band names pasted onto the exact same recording of the Gourds singing Gin & Juice. This fine band is accused of being every bunch of hippies or pop stars you can imagine. Thank merciful christmas that the Frontalot web team is here to keep things real. Another terrible thing about file sharing: we can’t find Sparklehorse’s cover of Gin & Juice. Grrrr. If anyone wants to sell us their old 7" dirt cheap, write in.

Ike Turner Song Alert! It is the classic “Garbage Man” by the Family Vibes. You can find it with your favorite file sharing software. Maybe!

Hey, did we forget to update the quote of the week last week? That line from our good friend Noam looks kind of familiar. Hurm. Check next week.

Craig’s List is the awesomest. Front and flatmates are enjoying hi-dose radiation therapy thanks to their brand new previously owned 26" television (13K). It cost ten dollars. That’s 38.5 cents per diagonal inch.

Considerably more expensive (on a per-inch basis) is the solid platinum pocket protector, recently custom-crafted and delivered to Frontalot HQ by armed guards. Guess where we bought that (106K).

How to afford such extravagance? The Front has sold out, obviously. Evidence is rife at the Palo Alto Gamescape, where the MC’s likeness can be seen shilling party games (73K).

And since it seems to be Photo Week here at frontalot.com, we offer this charming snap: MC Frontalot and Kompressor loitering in front of a donut shop (214K). The trippy colors are so that you can’t tell if you’re hallucinating or not.

Front and compadres will be in attendance at this evening’s performance by 70’s supergroup The Kids In The Hall. Did we say 70’s supergroup? We meant aging canadians. The Warfield is the place to be. Downstairs, where the nachos is hot.

In other news, Frontalot hasn’t seen Episode II yet, so if you run into him don’t give away the ending whereyoda kicks all the ass or whatever. We’re planning to download Episode III from Kazaa this week, then watch all six movies backwards. Not in reverse order, either. Backwards. Like with the rewind button pressed the whole time.

Fan alert: the guy who draws battle pope thinks Front is cool. Also, we’ve been getting mad hits from the fresh new MC Hawking site. Dig it.

A happy day to you, Mexican liberation enthusiast!

When the Front was a wee schoolboy, oftentimes he danced the Mexican hat dance in the official festivities. This was the curse and blessing bestowed on each member of the bilingual education program come May 5th. How those silver-threaded black suits shined! How those rhythmic boot-slaps reverberated! And how pathetic Front seems today, as he gyrates in feeble time to the music, alone before the hall mirror, lost in reminiscence of those days.

Let’s all give him a dollar fifty and make him feel better.

In other news, you’re all clawing each other’s throats out to be next in line for Spider-Man. Frontalot condones this behavior.

The contest will remain open briefly.

Some new fan arts are in the image gallery. They are by wallychamp, and looking at them is a bit like being in a late 60’s psychadelic movie because WoooOOOoooo woOOooooOOoo the colors are all strange. He has made a wallpaper too.

Bringing the total number of nice-looking Frontalot wallpapers to 2. Your sole means of attaining the huge ugly wallpaper remains VSP membership.

Also, there’s a nice little interview with Front over at calicogirl. Others coming, probably, maybe.

Front is going camping. He will attempt to view the elusive desert morning blossoms of spring, then capture their beauty in a verse about your mom.

The contest is difficult and also it is actual (not an april fools joke). You can really win Front’s only copy of Starship Titanic. We think some of you sent in answers that we deleted by mistake. If you sent in and haven’t heard back, try again.

Front has been named the Official Rapper of Penny Arcade. First FCT, now PA. Is Belgium next? Come on,Belgium. You guys know you need an Official Rapper. To celebrate, pacult has posted a wallpaper of me.

Nothing else to report, except our sincere hopes that this particular search engine stays in business for a long time.

The new Frontalot song is totally happening and all the way where it’s at. It is called “Which MC Was That?” and it is a tragic tale about coping with amnesia.

The new KOMPRESSOR album came out today! The second track is “Rappers We Crush” featuring the paranoid-delusional rapping of MC Frontalot. This is your first chance ever to actually buy an album with Front on it, so please, go nuts.

It is of course possible to get a free CD of all Front material. Suckers know how.

Always double down on 11. That’s why MC Frontalot is buying hella groceries this week!

He is not buying beats, because beats remain insanely easy to pilfer. A real gem was plucked for “Which MC Was That,” the brand spanking new track topping the music page. See if you know the origin of those drums — if you do, we deem you a funk connoisseur. Cheaters may peek at the end of the lyrics. And it’s never too hard to find out who else jacked the same beat.

In other news: a particularly famous internet rappers has tapped Front for a duet. Front replied “yes, indeedy.” More specific announcements to come as events warrant!

That new song we keep talking about is so almost done we can taste it. When Mr. Alter delivers the bassline it will be FAT I tell you. FAT! Not to rub a sore spot red, but certain suckers are already digging on the preview mix.

Frontalot is off to Vegas this weekend, so if you are poolside at the Belagio look out for Cap'n Bling² in his iced-out flip-flops and platinum shades.

Also, never hit a fourteen when the dealer shows a six. That’s just common sense.