Instead! Coming up almost immediately: On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode One, which is the Penny Arcade game, which has a brand spanking new Frontalot track embedded somewhere, and we won't mention where. But here be hinting: if you've gotten to the final boss and still haven't heard it, woe is you.

Going to be in Florida for super explodey patriotism day? Better get your ticket to Nerdapalooza. There's a buttload of nerdcore rappers coming, plus wizard rockers, plus who knows what kind of tomfoolery. Established Frontalot cohorts Schaffer, YT, Whoremoans, DJ Snyder, FFBs, Random and Lars are expected, as well as plenty of folks Front's been itching to see onstage, such as Wordburglar, ZeaLouS1, Myf of Metamystics, funky49, EPP, and Dual Core.

Rocking the new Chris album? Yeah, same here.

What else? He went to a screening of NR:TM too? And everyone stayed for 1:35 AM Q&A and were nice and Boston rules? Yes to each. For you: still time to see Sunday's showing, plus there's a Front concert, and Prince Paul spins at it. Make it so.

Front caught the Gnarls Barkley show in Manhattan the other night. He was kind of expecting Dangermouse on the cuts and Cee-Lo with a microphone. Instead it was a glorious 8-piece band done up in high sixties soul splendor. See them if you can. Not to be outdone, Paul Simon showed up at BAM last night with a 12-piece and about twenty singers, to do most of Graceland (the first CD Front ever had, right around when Discmans got invented, sometime in the Paleolithic, when he was young). The rapper in question caught that show too. Old folks danced in the balcony.

IFF Boston is next! Showings are the 23rd and 25th, with a Frontalot show at the swanky party afterwards. Party tickets are available! They're pricey, but there may be a special lottery over at NR:TM to get you a free one. Stay tuned.

New best pickup line Front's ever heard: "If you were a Magic card, I'd tap you."

Things to do while waiting for Atlanta and Boston screenings [see below]: play with knobs, make a robot, dramatize some HL fanfic, goon out in a classic mode.

So! Onwards to the AFI Dallas showings of Nerdcore Rising: The Movie, Thurs Apr 3 and Fri Apr 4. Not only that, but Front and band are doing a set at the festival's party that Thursday night (it's a "Premiere Pass Only" event -- so sell your car or win the lottery or whatever and get yourself one).

And then? Front is not scheduled to be in Atlanta for the showings at that fine town's film fest, but you are all encouraged to get encrunkled and throw popcorn at JBB who may feature in both the film and the film's audience. That's somewhere in the Apr 10-19 range.

Wait, and after that? Front definitely will be in Boston Apr 25-27, for two showings of NR:TM and yet another tie-in concert, plus ROFLcon is that weekend, so who knows how zany things are going to get. Okay, yes. Very zany. At the least.

There's more on the schedule, which we'll discuss later. Or you can check it out now.

News post anchor tag lackage!! Use teh googles to find some or all of these rad youngsters who Front caught at SxSW: Holy Fuck, Mae Shi, Thee Oh Sees, The Matches, Reggie Watts, The Spinto Band, and Hanson. Maybe you already heard of that last band. Front also caught sets by Del, Talib Kweli, and Perry Farrell. But he missed Terp 2 It and The Dodos. Darn it! Maybe he'll have to go again sometime.

Sept. 24, 1991: Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory comes out. While essentially an album for incredibly cool people, it includes the dorkiest moment in hip-hop to date: a 19-year-old Busta Rhymes growling "RRRRRROAW RRRRRRROAW like a dungeon dragon / Change your little drawers cause your pants are saggin'."

Sept. 2, 1995:I Wish by Skee-Lo hits No. 53 on the Billboard 200, propelled by its title single, a rap about having bad coordination and being short. Includes the immortal lines "Dag, y'all! I never understood / Why the jocks get the fly girls / And me, I get the hood rats . . . "

Oct. 31, 1997: Video game PaRappa the Rapper released in the U.S. PlayStations across the country run hot with youngsters' attempts to beat the All Masters' Bathroom Rap Battle level.

May 23, 2000: Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Kid Koala and Dan the Automator team up for their sci-fi hip-hop epic Deltron 3030. They would later gain favor with the cool-kid audience with the first Gorillaz album, but this original Deltron CD is the ultimate in high-profile nerd rap.

April 30, 2002: Blackalicious releases Blazing Arrow, which includes the track Chemical Calisthenics. A sequel-in- spirit to their famous Alphabet Aerobics, this one overloads the geek-o-meter with lines like "C-A-O-H-2 wine water solution of calcium hydroxide / Slobbin it, C-A-O lime will make bleach powder / Galvanic metal beats stomp out louder."

[Originally published in the Rocky Mountain News, Colorado, Nov 16, 2007]