I played Hassle: The Dorkening once,
had eighteen cards in my hand, all Muds,
and I didn’t seem to need a mud card to win.
Hadn’t tapped a Mud yet — then the other kid grinned.
See, he’d just drawn a battalion of rolling explosions,
plus a card that made me frozen.
Those and the roll of a twenty die did it.
My last hit point had already got hitted.
My last instant had already got acquitted.
Got called twice in a turn dimwitted:
it didn’t swell up my ego much.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
And I’ll make my own game up, and you won’t know
which mode of the turn phase we’re in, and when to go,
and how to lay down cards, and at what angle.
I’ll have artifacts like Enchanted Kangol
and Mic of Spurious Rhyme Busting,
and creatures like MC Chris On Robotussin,
and MC Hawking (who tramples for ample damage).
The rules will be written in C++ and Spanish,
and hit counters will increment only.
The winner of the hand is the one who’s the most lonely
because everyone quit
mumbling about futility and shit.