Origin Of Species
Congregation, settle in your seats.
The Reverend Front Aloud is on the mic and about to speak.
Iím about to freak you out, make you shiver in the pew
while Iím delivering to you my sermon and divinity ensues,
brought by the one true God. Itís a fact:
anybody else who ever had a God, their Godís wack.
We ainít got to worry about Ďem; we picked the right horse.
Youíre in the right house of worship (of course),
and forces are gathering out in the world
to diminish our faith in ways radical and thorough,
to discourage us from loving anything thatís immaterial,
to tempt our children with ever fruitier cereal,
and worst of all, to call us idiots while they do it.
My congregation, listen; Iím about to walk you through it.
Weíre going to take the nation back from the heathens thatís within it.
Weíre gonna get the most egregious of the atheists imprisoned,
cause a schism while weíre at it, but emerge on top,
and once weíve purified our ranks we wonít stop ó
weíll purify your minds of whatís illegitimately thought.
Itís not to be a battle indiscriminately fought,
but an orchestrated effort, and Iím gonna need you to commit.
Might take a couple generations for this deviltry to quit.
Start with the kids ó in fact, they get distracted from the Lord ó
so Iíd like you to write a couple letters to your school board.
Do you, do you really believe
that we were nothing but them monkeys swinging up in the trees?
Donít it seem a little likelier that Adam and Eve
did a lot of humping, and that was the origin of the species?
And what has this so-called science ever done for us
but trumpeted that when ashes go to ashes & dust to dust,
despite the fuss of living, energy gets conserved.
Denying the weight of the soul of a man: this is ill deserved.
This is still the curse of Copernicus that we suffer.
Secular thought ought not to overflow its buffer
and run roughshod through the minds of you, the population.
Heretics such as Dawkins and Sagan overstep their station
to say that what we see and what we believe should be confluent.
Look to your Reverend to end apostasy ó thatís what Iím doing!
Look to your Holy Book to light the way; that is its purpose.
Open it up and youíll find Eden Ďfore you even scratch the surface.
And sure, this should be mirrored in the textbooks verbatim
but Iím not in a position yet to issue ultimatum.
So I lay down my scheme: weíll make it seem as though creation
isnít anything weíd like to interject to education.
Weíll wrangle up the language: science, data, theorem,
the irreducible complexity of the ears we use to hear Ďem
gnashing teeth and wailing from Kansas to PA.
Yes, my flock, I talk of futures not imminent but underway.
Already established an Institute for Discovery.
Discovered that Darwin is dead with outlook grim for recovery.
Schoolmarms will soon say that he burns in a fiery sea.
Think how much like paradise thatís gonna be.
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