MC Frontalot
I Hate Your Blog
I hate your blog.
Itís incredibly
terrible and bad.

I hate your blog. You own a dog, and you feed it.
You post about it. I get to read it.
Plus: five paragraphs on the socks you bought
and your thoughts on whether Nicole Ritchieís hot or not.
You got no reason to be typing, yet you persist.
Hit each key with your fist till you punch out your top ten list
of all the things that ever happened in your life.
Number one: met Michael Jacksonís second wife.
Number two: got Curly on the Which Stooge Are You
Poll, as the GIF proves. Click for the link-through!
Three: saw puppy pictures on a web page,
kittens in a nest egg. The idea gestated:
Why not open up your own?
So you bought the account and yet I hope you donít
put the payments in on it every month like they want,
Ďcause then youíll disappear off the internet, haunt
just the Wayback Machine like a ghost.
And I wonít be like, ďHow come you donít post??Ē
I promise I wonít.

I hate your blog. Your recipe for vegan eggnog is stupid.
I hissed and I booed it,
and then eschewed it, never made it once. Yes,
your blog roll is a confederacy of dunces.
It abuts less interesting links in your posts.
Hamsters that dance! Iím not engrossed.
Iím not opposed to your collection of All Your Base pics,
but theyíre longer in the denture than a ninja flipping out doing face kicks.
Iíll phrase this nice:
if itís hard to get to bed, your web site will suffice
to entice me to slumber. I mumble impoliticly,
ďI tried not to click Ďread moreí but you tricked me!Ē
Want to stick the whole computer in the trash can
instead of reading about the constipation lately and your ass plans
that you seem to contemplate.
You thought I would rate your page Ďawesomeí and Ďgreatí?

[Whoremoans]
Youíre just jealous. Yeah, thatís it ó envious, even.
Turning green when my hit counter broke ten thousand this evening.
Mad you cant match my keypad content
or petitions for legalizing of micropayment thieving.
X-rays of teething eight-month heathens and pictures of kittens heaving,
the calories in everything Iím eating,
yaoi art my girl drew of Goku making out with Joss Whedon,
my 300-pound friendís exposure (thatís indecent).
But thatís only negatives.
Iíve got discussions on the homeliest alien relative.
The final battle, Sam Cassell versus Carnage
and a triple-threat match: Charles v. Marilyn v. Shirley Manson from Garbage.
I pay homage to great Americans like Bill OíReilly and Ann Coulter;
Westwood Radio for help when insulting countercultures.
My blog stands above all others by head and shoulders.

I hate your blog. You ainít logged in in a month and a half,
and I, for one, am aghast.
I mean Iím fast on the way to removing it from bookmarks.
If I took part in vanity I might be trying to look smart
by not checking eight times a day.
Your blog is so despair-inducing I canít bear to look away.
Oh, well! Got to do what your muse compels.
Guess Iíll try to go despise a blog by someone else.
Most popular versions of this song
STUDIO| 00:04:04 | MP3 | #
With everyone's favorite super-rapper Whoremoans in the role of a person whose blog is not very good (and is terrible)(and bad). This song is not about your blog. Don't take it personally.
Drums: The Sturgenius | Harmonica: Doug Cheatwood | Backing Vox: Jessica Neighbor | Keyboards: Gminor7 | The Blogger: Whoremoans | Scratching: DJ Snyder
posted on 2007-12-25
LIVE| | 00:03:31 | MP3 | #
Live from Pianos in Manhattan.
Drums: The Categorical Imperative | Keyboards: Gorthon the Mercenary | Bass: Blak Lotus | Guest Rapping: Schaffer The Darklord
posted on 2009-04-17